This month last year, I lost someone extremely close to me. Someone I loved and admired. I never had the chance to meet her and tell her how much she meant to me.
I honestly have never felt so much grief and sadness in my life when I found out. I couldn’t share the sadness with anyone because I had never met her. I had never heard her laugh or hugged her. And I wouldn’t ever be able to. It felt like a silence. It was there and it was real but no one understood why a person I met through tumblr could mean so much. I spent days trying to explain why I was crying and feeling the way I was because I wanted to be able to mourn and grieve. I felt empty, that life had taken away a best friend.
We messaged each other frequently and had been following each other for about 3 years. She became someone I looked up to. Everything about her influenced me. Her music, her sense of style, everything. She was like a big sister and I never knew how to understand how sad it was to lose her.
Miles and miles away, I’m still trying to understand what it means to exist. What it means to love someone and listen to someone. To know someone’s face, pixels or skin. We decide who gets to come into our lives and who can look inside our brains. We decide how to live. We decide to either waste away or grow. It took me a while but I understand. I understand that life is meaningless unless you give it meaning. You live and live and you live for you. sometimes you live for others. You live to help the living. And I am alive and living for Carly.
She will always live in my thoughts. Always. I miss these messages. I miss her. And I wish that she was here.
Best Friend Texts are texts that hold weight over a relationship–it can be a text from anyone, a best friend, significant other, a relative, maybe even an idol. It is combined with a screenshot and a collage relating to that relationship. Toothache is trying to show the importance within friendships and technology–a simple “are you okay?” text that can mean a lot to a person. These texts are about the love we share with others and ourselves.